What I’ve Been Thinking Lately: The Power of Personal Reflection

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Every week, I share stories, lessons, encouragement, and practical healing and growth practices from my life and work with others.

Hey Beloved, I'm Nakeia

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“You get in life what you think you deserve.”

So one of the ways that I love engaging with clients and other people in my community is by sharing my thoughts on things that interest them. They’ll send me reels on Instagram, posts from threads, and our client sessions. They’ll bring some things up. I’ll get emails. And I basically share my thoughts on whatever subject they bring up.

I also keep a running note in my phone as I reflect on random thoughts throughout the day or the week. I’ll be driving in the car, and something will come to mind, and I’ll just jot down my thoughts on my notes app. I’ll be watching TV, some juicy scene is happening, maybe a subject I have some thoughts on. I’ll stop to make some notes.

This week, I want to share my random thoughts or what I’ve been thinking lately with you.

What I’ve Been Thinking Lately

1. Social media has convinced everyone that they need to have an opinion about every single thing. And that their opinion somehow transforms into facts because they post it on social media. It’s like whatever they say is factual, and whatever someone else says isn’t. Their opinion is higher or of more value than the next person’s opinion. And I believe this is due in part to social media.

I noticed it on apps like Facebook, but when I gained some popularity on Instagram, I certainly saw it there too. I posted my random thoughts, and people would jump in my comment section with opinions about what I thought. Initially, I would go into the comments and say things like, “Hey, you can think whatever you want on your platform. These are my thoughts. If you don’t believe it or agree with it, you’re welcome to move along.” And then I just stopped responding because, for one, there were too many people who had too many opinions. And secondly, I also started to fall into this trap of opinions.

I followed someone who had very strong opinions about certain subjects, and I would tune in daily. And I didn’t notice this at the time, but her business was literal social media. She taught companies and brands how to use social media to make an impact, and she showcased her expertise by sharing her opinions.

There was something really juicy happening in the world. I cannot remember what it was, but I didn’t see an opinion from her. So I asked her in DM’s. Someone was in my DM’s sort of demanding my view—not just someone, but several someones, and they were like, “What are your thoughts on this? You aren’t saying anything…” I began to feel compelled to share my thoughts on what was going on in the world. But I didn’t have any. So I asked this person, and you know what she said to me? She said, “I don’t have any opinions. I don’t have any thoughts. And I make it my business not to have an opinion on something that doesn’t directly relate to me, my values, my standards, my family, my business.” It was so simple. It was common sense, but I thought that was the most genius way of looking at how to approach social media and what was going on in the world. From that moment on, if I genuinely had an opinion or thoughts, or a word for someone that was aligned with what was going on in the world, I’d share it. If I didn’t have an opinion or one that I didn’t want to share with the world, I wouldn’t. And I became okay with that.

What I realized is that I don’t have to have or share an opinion. My opinion is for me, my community, my family, and most importantly, my life. It’s available to my clients and community if they ask. But other than that, I don’t need to say anything. I don’t have to have an opinion at all. And I love that for me.

What I realized is that we need to bring back group chats. We need to bring back three-way calls. We need to bring back journaling. And we need to make sure that we have good people in our lives so that when we have an opinion, we have some place to store it. We don’t have to use our public platform for our private thoughts. And that’s that on that one.

2. Being interested or even skilled at something doesn’t mean you should start a business around it. Sometimes what we are interested in, what we are skilled at, and what we love or like is for our own benefit. Those things are meant to enhance the quality of our own lives. We don’t need to start an LLC because we like to bake cupcakes. We don’t need to start a cleaning business because we love to clean our own homes. We don’t have to share it on social media and create content around it. We can enjoy those things, those skills, those interests, those hobbies, even those talents, just for ourselves.

Not everyone is meant to be an entrepreneur.

Being a teacher, a librarian, a banker, a physician, a barista, or a sales associate at Walmart is just as meaningful.

This is another thing to keep in mind: Not everyone has an entrepreneurial gift. Not everyone has a gift of leadership. Not everyone has a unique vision—and that is okay.

I remember when I was younger, talking to my grandmother every year, trying to convince her to open up a restaurant. I was like, you’ve been catering. You’ve been cooking for free. You cook for our family. You cook for people at church. You should open up a restaurant. And my grandmother would resist opening a brick-and-mortar business. She preferred to cater events that she felt called to, cook around the house, cook for her friends, and sell platters occasionally. But that was the extent of her desire to do that work.

I couldn’t understand it. I’m like, this is our way out of the hood, granny. You need to open up this business for financial reasons alone. But what I realized as I got older is she was very gifted, very talented, very skilled, but not entrepreneurial. She would give away things for free. She didn’t charge people what she needed to charge them. She would cater weddings, funerals, and birthdays at cost. All you had to do was pay for your food, linens, and cooking utensils. That was it. She did it because she loved it, and if she had an actual restaurant, she would give food away. We would never be in profit.

She also liked to do all of the work herself. She didn’t like to bring people in on any of the heavy lifting, so she would burn out. She wouldn’t last in a restaurant very long because she would burn out trying to do everything herself.

My grandmom was a lesson in the fact that not everyone is entrepreneurial.

Not everyone needs a business or an expanded business. Your small business is enough. You don’t have to go nationwide with your cupcake business or global with your designs.

3. You get in life what you think you deserve. You achieve what you believe.

I know this because when I think about some of the things that did not work out for me, deep down, there was some secret doubt. I can recall a moment when I doubted how good my songwriting ability was and I wrote a song, submitted it, didn’t love it, and it didn’t get placed. I remember posting something on social media that I thought was really good, but didn’t think would go over well with others and I was right, it didn’t go over well with others. Once I started posting, just to post, without a lot of thought—I would pray, post it, and release it, it started working out because there was no doubt attached to it. There was no comparison attached to it. And I was doing my work for the sake of doing my work. And it wasn’t about what I thought I deserved, but it was about what I thought I was gifted and called to do for others, and it always works out. But if there is a moment or an instant or an inkling of doubt, it typically fails.

If things are not working out in your life right now in any area, whether it’s your relationship, your work, or your personal life, ask yourself where is the doubt? Where is the fear? What am I really thinking about what I’m doing and who I am? And once you work through that and set yourself up to do it based on your truth, based on your knowing, based on your calling, you will see things start to work out differently.

When it comes to belief in yourself, even if you’re not good or great at something, you can make it happen. I remember we were working with a singer to demo a song that we were submitting to the label. We had just moved to Georgia. We needed a male vocalist, so we put out a call, and someone answered. This person showed up at the studio. He was nice, looked like an artist, and was really excited to get to work. We pressed record. He opened his mouth to sing, and we were like, what?! And this is the thing… This is not me being mean. Singing is a talent and a skill. This was someone who, in fact, was not very skilled at singing at the time. His pitch was off. His voice wasn’t clear. He had a difficult time following the melody. He just couldn’t sing. The talent wasn’t in the studio with us.

But this person was determined to be a singer. We concluded that session, paid him for his time, and had to hire someone else to come in and demo the song. But we stayed in contact with him. He actually paid for some studio time. And eventually, because he believed in himself, he became a traveling artist. People actually hired him to come to their city to sing, and people bought tickets to hear him sing. That was one of my greatest lessons in belief. He did get better. He continued to work on his craft. Still not my favorite singer. I wouldn’t buy a ticket, certainly wouldn’t hire him again, but he believed in himself. So he got what he thought he deserved.

4. You will not always understand someone else’s life, or their choices. You will not always approve of their life or their choices. You may not even want to coexist with their life or their choices, and that is okay.

Everyone should be given the privilege of their own lived experience.

We don’t have to understand why someone works somewhere or why someone has a political view. We don’t need to agree with who someone chooses to love or marry, where they choose to live, or how they choose to spend their money. This goes for family, neighbors, and friends. What we get to choose is who we are in community with, who we share space with. who we call friend, but we don’t get to choose how other people live.

And going back to number one, we don’t have the right to an opinion on it.

I don’t argue or debate my preference, my race, my values, or my relationship with God with anyone. And I don’t do that to anyone else. I don’t want anyone to feel that they need to explain what they believe, who they love, whatever to me, because that’s not my business. There is a chapter in Habits for Healing titled, Minding Your Own Business. It is an amazing healing habit. It will keep you at peace. It will keep your relationships intact, and it will help you identify who is for you and who is not.

You don’t have to understand, agree with, approve, or even coexist with someone else, but we should respect people. And sometimes respect looks like distance. If I don’t agree with how you live, I will respect you by allowing you to do that off to yourself, in peace.

That is a level of respect I have grown to love, appreciate, and value. Right? So that’s that on that.

5. How about we normalize abandoning things that we are not good at instead of working overtime to get better? And you know, after I shared the story about the singer who wasn’t good, but ended up becoming a singer, it might sound contrary… The truth is, some people are suffering inside their own lives because they are trying to do something that they were never meant to do. We are not meant to do everything.

Now this is not an absolute thought. I improved on a lot of things that I wasn’t good at in the beginning, like cooking, which is something that you would think I would be totally amazing at. But when I got married, moved into my own home, and started cooking every day, there were some things I needed to get better at. I remember cooking macaroni and cheese for the first time and completely messing it up. My grandmother didn’t do very well at creating recipes around her amazing food. And so she would do her best to tell me how to do it from Jersey while I was in Delaware, but things didn’t always turn out right. I got recipe books. I started watching The Cooking Channel, and I figured out how to cook better. That is something I did for myself and my family. It wasn’t something that caused me any emotional harm. I didn’t feel like it was exhausting or overwhelming.

Cooking, baking, sewing, and playing a sport are things that we can work at and enjoy. I am referring to the things that we are just not good at, and we know it in our hearts. We feel it in our abilities, but we try and try and try.

And I understand why we don’t want to look like we aren’t good to the people we share space with. We don’t want to look like we are failures at our attempts, but you wreck your own peace when you dwell in spaces you don’t belong. You put your real talent, your real gifts, and your real skills at risk when you don’t spend time cultivating them, because you are working on things that you are not actually good at. So let’s normalize just abandoning the things that we are not good at.

Let’s normalize walking away to move forward with something else. Let there be no shame in doing what you are meant to do.

Moment of Reflection

So those are my random thoughts, but they could be relevant to what you are experiencing in your life right now. Take some time to reflect on some things of your own. Consider your own thoughts on these things.

One of the reasons it is good to have a thought or an opinion about things that matter to you is that it helps with our decision-making. A lot of people say they don’t know what to do in life because they don’t give it enough thought. And so if you have been struggling to move forward, to formulate an opinion, to make a decision, or to take action, reflect on your thoughts. Keep a running tab of things that matter to you, things that interest you.

I’ll share one last thing about doing this kind of personal work. One of the reasons I’m able to communicate with people I don’t know, at let’s say a networking event or a dinner I’m invited to, is because I have something to say. When you reflect, formulate thoughts, and think on things that matter, you will have something to say too.

No matter where you are in your journey, having random thoughts is effective for several reasons. Take some time to reflect on things that matter to you.

And until next time, beloved, I hope this helps.

Takeaways

Social media pressures us to have opinions on everything.

Not everyone needs to turn their interests into a business.

You get in life what you think you deserve.

It’s okay to not have an opinion on every issue.

We should normalize abandoning things we’re not good at.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Random Thoughts

01:08 The Pressure of Social Media Opinions

07:06 When Interests Don’t Need a Business

11:26 Belief and Self-Worth

16:22 Respecting Others’ Choices

19:15 Normalizing Abandoning the Unfit

22:08 The Importance of Personal Reflection

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