4 Blessings And 7 Lessons

I Hope This Helps, The Podcast, Podcast Shownotes

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Every week, I share stories, lessons, encouragement, and practical healing and growth practices from my life and work with others.

Hey Beloved, I'm Nakeia

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“It is a privilege to be this version of me.”

My birthday is my personal new year, so I use this time to reflect, research, journal, pray, and create a new vision for my life. I typically emerge from this process, which sometimes lasts for a couple of months, renewed, energized, and steeped in wisdom that sets the tone for the year(s) ahead.

My Personal New Year

May 7th is the equivalent of January 1st for all of those who observe the new year.

In the weeks and months leading up to this new year for me, I do all of the things to really pour into myself, to lean more into myself, to support myself, and to prepare myself for the next year. This is typically a personal journey, this ushering in of a new year for myself, but now and then, I decide to bring my community in on this process, and I share. Sometimes, I share lessons, sometimes I share affirmations, sometimes I share prayers, and this year, I wanna share four blessings and seven lessons.

Four Blessings

I have been blessed in ways that I still can’t even wrap my head around. I have shared in the past, whenever I got on stage, how I’m not supposed to be here. Statistically speaking, I am not supposed to be here.

*Listen to more details on this in the episode.

Let’s get into the blessings…

1. I launched a podcast. I don’t know how many episodes we’re on at this point, but I Hope This Helps The Podcast has been a long time in the making. People have asked for a podcast for me for years, and I finally answered the call, and it has not been an easy journey. It is produced by me. It is recorded, edited, and all of the things by me, and doing that in addition to all of the other things on my list of things to do has not been easy. But I love this journey. I set out to do seven episodes. Seven. Here we are at least 36 episodes in.

I didn’t expect to be here. Shout out to all of the brands that have sponsored this podcast. Shout out to the people behind the emails that share how what I’ve said on an episode was inspiring, encouraging, and all of the words. So this is about being blessed and the lessons that I’ve learned personally. But you guys let me know how I’ve been a blessing to you and the lessons that you’ve learned from me—and I just love y’all. I really, really do.

2. Showing up for my son and watching him show up for himself this year has been a major blessing.

Not too long ago, my son said to me, you know I’m a mama’s boy. I said, you’re a what? Because I work so hard not to baby my youngest child. He has such a baby face. He has such a loving spirit, such a soft presence, and it’s so easy to baby him. So when he said he was a mama’s boy, I was like, wait, I’m supposed to be helping you grow up, but I know what he meant.

We are tight. He says we have the same aura, the same vibe. And it has been a pleasure to show up in his life in this way. He has allowed me to guide him as he strengthens his own knowing. I asked him to write words that describe how he sees himself, so he can pull on those words when he doubts who he is. And one of the words he used was content. And my goodness, does that describe my son?! He is happy, he is satisfied, he is present, he is mindful in every moment. He said to me, I’m content, I’m happy no matter what. That is truly who he is.

I know I contribute to him knowing who he is. And he gets to reflect back to me who I am as a mother just by being great at being himself. He wants me at his practices and games. He talks to me about friendships, school, growing taller, and all of the things. And that has been amazing.

3. This may sound weird to label a blessing, but I finally grieved my grandmother.

I have not had an opportunity, I have not taken an opportunity, to really sit with how I feel about her not being here until now. I had the space, I had the capacity, and as Dr. Rita Walker would say, I had the psychological fortitude to allow grief to do its thing—and it has been a blessing.

Holding on to all of the emotions that go into missing, pining, longing after someone who is no longer present with you here on earth is a massive undertaking. It is sometimes an emotional overload. And not too long ago, I shared on social media somewhere that grief had been kicking my butt, and I ain’t even fighting back. I decided not to get in the ring with grief, but allow it to sit at the table with me, to be a companion on the journey, to be a teacher, to be a mirror, to be a safe space. And it has been a blessing to drive down the road and tell my grandmother how I miss her out loud. It has been sobering to say in moments where I wanted to reach out to her or to get on a plane and go to Jersey, “you should be here.” When I see older women, especially older church women with their hats, purses, and kitten heels, I’m like, ugh… “Madis,” that’s my good brother’s name, “Madis, you should be here.” I feel like she’s been sitting with me. She has been visiting me in my dreams. She has been present in my sessions with clients. She has absolutely been in some of the words that I’ve shared.

I always say I love missing my people, but I hate that they’re not here. I hate it. I love that there is someone so special to me that her absence is an absolute loss.

*Listen to more ways grieving has been a blessing on the full episode.

4. It has not just been a blessing, but a privilege to be this version of me.

It is a privilege to be this version of me. I’m not supposed to be here, is how I used to say it, but I know I belong here as this version of myself. And I’m so grateful. My grandmother would say on her birthday, “It’s another year that the Lord, that God has kept me.” And that is how I feel in this moment. I’m so grateful, so blessed, so privileged. So let’s move right into the lessons…

Seven Lessons

This is in no particular order. I just wrote some things down. I’m sharing my lessons, but addressing them directly to you.

1. You will lose your way every time you try to get there by following someone else’s path.

What a lesson. What a lesson, beloved. You will lose your way every time you try to get “there” (And that’s with air quotes intentionally) by following someone else’s path. If you are trying to get the relationship, the promotion, the career, the body, whatever it is, by doing it the way your coworker, your sister, your neighbor, your best friend, or whoever has done it, you will lose your way—because it’s not your path. It’s not your journey. If you want to get there, you have to get there from where you are, as the version of yourself that you are in this season of your life.

2. This is a hefty one, so I want you to lean in…

Convincing yourself and others that you are content when you are not may help you avoid difficult decisions, conversations, and actions now, but it also keeps you from doing what is necessary to create a life you won’t have to heal from one day. You can only pretend for so long. Eventually, you will have to face your very real feelings about the life that you are living.

That’s a lesson. That is a mouthful.

Trying to convince yourself, and others, that you are content when you are not… That you are happy in the relationship, that you are satisfied with the position, that you are okay with how you are being treated, that you are okay with how they are talking to you, and that you are fine with how they are playing in your face… That’s foolishness. It’s a lie. It’s self-betrayal. And you will end up having to heal from those decisions, those choices, that silence, that self-censoring one day. So may we find the courage to work through what we feel, speak our truths, speak our piece and our peace, and stand on our truth.

Let me make it personal. May you find the courage to work through what you feel, speak your piece and your peace, and stand in your truth.

3. The ability to see, feel, hear, and experience both/and is life-changing. It is a life-changing practice.

Let’s go back to my example of grief being both a blessing and a difficult and uncomfortable process. Let’s talk about evolution. I’m saying this is my personal new year. Change can be difficult and exciting. It can be both exhilarating and exhausting. And when we hold the ability or practice the ability to hold both, we find peace, we find acceptance, and we improve our quality of life. When we lean into the process and are honest with ourselves about how it makes us feel, we don’t have to wrestle with our feelings and be at war with our truths. We can just be

May we learn to hold tight to both and.

4. Needs that go unspoken go unmet.

You may remember this from several episodes, but especially the one on relationship resentment, and likely the episode on boundaries, we have to speak our piece. We have to give voice to our feelings. We have to acknowledge where we are in life and identify what we need without feeling weak, without feeling like we are needy, and without it being punitive—because it is our literal job to meet our needs, to get our needs met however we can.

No one in your life, I don’t care who it is, I don’t care how long they’ve known you, and I don’t care how intimate the relationship is… They may be able to finish your sentences, like some twins claim they can do, but they can’t read your mind. They can anticipate what you might think, or what you might say, but the truth is that’s an educated or an informed guess. It is not the reality of reading and knowing exactly how you feel, what you want, and what you need.

Needs that go unspoken go unmet. And the lesson is: Ask for what you need. Ask for what you need and want.

5. Sometimes the work isn’t to do more, it’s to do better.

Chylllle… Now I’m talking to you like you’re my best friend. Chylllle… This lesson right here is something else because I am someone who is like, “What else can I do? How much harder can I go? How much deeper can I get? What else, what else, what else?”

Sometimes it’s not more, it’s better.

Sometimes we need to go back over what we’ve done and improve on it. Level it up a little bit. Find ways to fine-tune, refine, and master what we are here to do in this lifetime. Maybe it’s not more things on your list. Maybe it’s doing the things that are already on your list in excellence, with integrity, with intention, with passion, with support, with more information, education, capacity, and know-how.

Sometimes the work isn’t to do more, it’s to do better.

May we all do and be better.

6. You wreck your own peace when you dwell in spaces you don’t belong.

Whew… Whew… did you feel that?

You wreck your own peace when you dwell in spaces you don’t. I think this can be an entire podcast. There are so many things that come to mind when I reflect on this lesson. But in this year alone, as I navigated new spaces, as I tried to catch the attention of some people, I questioned myself. I questioned my value. Being in spaces that weren’t meant for me made me question the call on my life. It made me question my gifts when the truth was, they weren’t my people. When the truth was, it wasn’t where I belonged. When the truth was, it wasn’t meant for me.

May we dwell in spaces that can fit the whole of us.

Every piece of you deserves to be at peace with you. Every piece of you belongs with you. It deserves to be with you. And so, if you are leaving any parts of you behind, if you are shedding any parts of you that belong with you, if you are shrinking in any way, you are not in the right place.

7. Do not be afraid to do nothing when you don’t know what to do.

Doing the wrong thing with the wrong people at the wrong time is what’s scary. Hmm, doing the wrong thing with the wrong people at the wrong time, that is scary. Much, much scarier than doing nothing, observing, praying, meditating, being still and knowing, seeking guidance, and seeking support. Those things are so valuable.

Slow seasons are part of the process, too.

Sometimes doing nothing is exactly what you need to do to get clear on your next move. Doing nothing is much better than doing the wrong thing.

Closing Reflections

It is a privilege to be this version of me, as I prepare to meet myself in this next year of life. What a journey it has been… I am excited about what is to come.

Happy Birthday to me, and happy birthday to everyone who is stepping into a new season, a new reality, a new version, a new level. Every time we move forward, we grow. We are reborn. We are being ushered into new possibilities. It is an amazing thing—It is a joyous thing. It is a blessing to grow. To grow older, to grow wiser, to grow in our purpose, and to meet who we are ultimately supposed to be in this season.

And until next time, beloved, I hope these blessings and these lessons help.

*We are on a break for the season, but Nakeia didn’t want to leave you with nothing. Enjoy these mini episodes full of pep talks and guided practices, and get caught up on previous episodes while we cook up a brand new season.