How To Know When It’s Time To Let Go

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“When it blocks your blessings… Let it go.”

“How do I know when to let go?” is part of my top five most frequently asked questions. I have answers… In this episode, I walk you through the complex emotions surrounding the decision to let go of relationships, goals, and personal attachments. I’m sharing the signs you may be missing and sending you love as I share the signs you and I both know you know.

Through personal anecdotes and practical advice, this episode encourages you to confront your fear of change and failure and ultimately let go.

I think it’s safe to say we’ve all experienced a time in our lives where we’ve had to decide if we should go harder or give up. Maybe it was a career goal, a relationship, a personal project of sorts or a personal goal, but something made you question your effort. Should I keep going or should I give up? Should I try again or is this a sign that this is not meant to be?

I wrote this years ago. It was helpful for me. It’s been helpful for my clients. And I even share it with my friends:

When you question its place in your life, when it takes away more than it adds, when just the thought of letting go gives you a feeling of relief, when it’s clear that it no longer wants you, when it stands in the way of your progress, when it depletes you of your good energy, when it steals your peace, when it steals your joy, when it makes you forget who you are, when it blocks your blessings…

Let it go.

I shared those words in my book, Habits For Healing, on page 36. You can go there if you want to reference it directly. But those are good indicators, good signs if you’re looking for one, that it is time to let something or someone go.

Reasons We Struggle To Let Go

We struggle to let go because we are often conditioned to hold on. I know growing up, I heard, “quitters never win.” My son is into sports, and I guarantee you that it is plastered somewhere in the locker room.

Quitters never win.

We’ve been told to hold on for dear life. And that basically says that letting go could be a matter of life or death. You gotta hold on just to preserve your life.

Some of us are afraid to let go because we are afraid of losing deep connection. What I mean by that is whatever it is that we are holding on to, also feels like it’s holding on to us, keeping us connected to something or someone we love. I tell the not-so-funny story of how I broke my ankle because I just couldn’t let go of an old pair of shoes that made me feel deeply connected to a version of myself that I admired.

The shoes were broken, but I held on, thinking I could make them work like so many people try to make their broken relationships work. Am I stepping on your toes here? (Pun intended)

Perhaps you were holding on to an expired goal, an expired dream, an idea that’s just not panning out, and you’re refusing to pivot because you are deeply connected to whatever or whoever.

Another reason why we struggle to let go is that we are afraid of change. Change is scary. When you are used to something holding you down, or used to something showing you who you are and validating who you are, you may feel afraid of change. Change is unknown and unfamiliar, and that can lead to some anxiety around letting go.

Letting go can feel like a failure. Quitters never win, remember? If we let go, it means we failed at something or failed someone. Letting go of a relationship can feel like you failed at love. We don’t want to look like a failure, so we’d rather hold on, stay stuck, than let it go.

We struggle to let go because it means we wouldn’t get a return on the investment. We were in the relationship too long and invested too much time and energy and too much of ourselves to just let it go. Even if it doesn’t feel aligned with who we are right now, even if staying in a relationship is actually depleting you, depleting you of your energy, your joy, and the possibility of good love.

Another reason we struggle to let go is that it feels like a punishment. In the past, we were chastised for making a mistake. And so if we let go, we are admitting that we made a mistake. And there has always been chastisement attached to our mistakes.

And the last reason I’ll share that we struggle to let go, we can’t move forward without something everyone calls closure. Some of us only know how to let go if there’s a clean break and there’s a clear end. If not, go back in and try again. We need to stay a little longer and see if we can work it out. We need to get that closure before we really move forward.

There is grief that comes with doing what’s best for you.

Sit with that for a minute.

Perhaps you are struggling to let go because you don’t want to face the grief that goes along with doing what’s best for you. Even when you are the one deciding to end the relationship, you will grieve it. Even if you are the one who tried so hard to make it work, you did all the right things in the relationship.

You have all the right degrees and certifications for the job. And yet, still, you feel like you have to walk away. And walking away feels like failure, and failure inspires grief.

My grandmother used to say, “Everything that’s good to you ain’t good for you“.

And she was so right, Beloved.

Some Things We May Have To Let Go Of

Unhealthy Realtionship

Expired Goals

Clothes that no longer fit or align with who we are today

Beliefs that no longer serve us

Toxic patterns/behaviors

A job that doesn’t meet our financial, creative, or social needs

Poor Judgement

Past Mistakes

Guilt or Shame

Perfectionisim

Grudges or The Need For Vengeance

Fear

Anxiety

Things We Can’t Control

Misaligned Expectations

Bitterness & Resentment

Comparison

Things (Or People) we’ve outgrown…

We started with the question that so many people ask: Nakeia, how do I know when it’s time to let something or someone go?

My answer?

When you question its place in your life…

When it takes away more than it adds…

When just the thought of letting it go gives you a feeling of relief…

When it’s clear that it no longer wants you…

When it stands in the way of your progress…

When it depletes you of your good energy…

When it steals your peace…

When it steals your joy…

When it makes you forget who you are…

When it blocks your blessings…

Beloved, let it go.

Takeaways

When it’s time to let go, there will be signs.

Conditioning leads us to hold on longer than we should.

Fear of change can prevent us from letting go.

Letting go can feel like admitting failure.

Investment in time and energy can make it hard to release.

You don’t need closure to move on.

There is grief that comes from doing what’s best for you.

Not everything we need to let go of is bad—It just may not

align with our current selves.

Everything that’s good to you ain’t good for you.

Letting go opens up space for new opportunities and growth.

Chapters

00:00 The Dilemma of Letting Go

02:11 Understanding the Struggle to Let Go

09:41 The Emotional Weight of Letting Go

10:33 Recognizing When to Let Go

18:23 The Power of Letting Go

Resources

For deeper reflection, read the chapter on letting go, and journal prompts: Habits For Healing: Reclaim Your Purpose, Peace, and Power⁠

Cover Art: Alafia Haus

Photography: Drea Nicole