Embracing The Fall: The Grace of Getting Back Up

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“People fall. Pay attention to the ones who get back up.”

One of my favorite life lessons came from my daughter, and I’m sharing what I learned with you.

If you have fallen, failed at an attempt, or experienced a setback, I am sharing what it takes to get back up and move forward with grace, intention, and determination. This episode is part pep talk, part strategy.

People fail at their attempts at success every day.

It’s disappointing, embarrassing, and sometimes painful—and sometimes that’s exactly what it takes to build the life you want to live. And you know what’s more memorable than falling? Getting back up.

Let’s discuss…

Lessons From Motherhood

So I don’t know if you know this, but I am a mother of two. My oldest is my daughter, and she had six years of life as an only child before her brother was born.

One of the things that we like to do as a family is share stories about what life was like before my son came along. My daughter has witnessed his entire life so far. She prayed for a sibling for years. She actually prayed for a sister, but I would intercept her prayers by praying for a boy. Although she didn’t get her sister, she took on the role of being a big sister beautifully.

One of my favorite stories, my fondest memories to share, is the day that my eight and a half month old daughter taught herself how to walk. For a few weeks, she would try to walk on her own, but would fail. I could see the determination in her every evening after dinner. We sat on the floor, her father and I playing with her, talking with her, and she would try to walk.

One evening, I could see that this was going to be the night that she met her goal. She looked at me, looked at her father, and decided which parent she would start with. She went over near that parent, looked at the other, and decided how long it would take her to get from one side to the other, how she would go about it. It was so masterful to watch.

She started by inching across the couches. Then she tried to walk, then crawl a little bit, and then try to walk somewhere, then crawl a little bit. Next, she started to do what you see toddlers do when they’re trying to walk, which is do this really quick walk/run. And she fell every time. But again, this night… I saw the determination in her eyes. She set her goal and she met her goal that evening walking at just eight and a half months.

There were so many falls. It made me so nervous, but it was almost like she would give me this look like calm down, which is her favorite phrase for me right now. “Calm down. I got this…” And she taught herself how to walk. I take no credit for it. It was her.

That evening, I wrote in my journal:

People fall. Pay attention to the ones who get back up.

Embrace The Fall

It was amazing to have an eight and a half month old daughter walking. I remember going to church on Sunday and trying to carry her. She would fight for me to put her down. And everyone would be so nervous watching this little short being walk around the church from pew to pew. But that was her life. That was her story.

It wasn’t how she taught herself to do that that was so captivating for me. It was how she got back up every time she fell.

I am an auntie. Before my daughter, I had nieces, nephews, and a goddaughter. I watched them all walk. I watched other kids walk. Once they fall and hurt themselves, a lot of times, children don’t always try again soon after. But my daughter fell and laughed it off. She would say “Whoa” and “Uh-Oh,” but she would get back up, and that is what was so amazing to me. So I journaled about it…

I journaled about the process of getting back up after a fall—Not the falling, not the failures, not the delays, not the failed attempts, but the getting back up.

For years, I’ve watched people do their thing. I watched my clients take risks. I watched my friends do amazing things in business and in life. And I have done some things that I’m so proud of. But none of those stories happened without falling. Failures, setbacks, and delays. And what I’ve noticed is a few things that I also noticed in my daughter.

Getting Back Up

I noticed that people who get back up see falling, failing, setbacks, and delays as part of the process of trying. It’s built into the process of trying to become successful, trying to heal, trying to grow, trying to become the person that we are meant to be. When we see the process and all of the things that can happen between where we are and where we want to be, falling doesn’t take us completely by surprise. We can anticipate the fall and some of the things we may experience on the journey—and even decide how we’re going to handle them when they happen. And because we’ve already determined how we will handle it, it won’t deter us from trying. It won’t stop us from making things happen.

So people who get back up, they saw the process with the fall in it.

I also noticed that people who get back up were always building in, cultivating, and spotting safeguards for themselves during the process. My daughter walked in that evening. We watched her take those steps from one parent to the other, but in the weeks before, she was feeling her way around that living room, deciding which couch was safe, which parent wouldn’t be distressed over the attempt, which evening she was going to try, and which onesie gave her the most motion that she needed.

When you are in this process of building and creating and doing your thing, it is important to also build in safeguards, to have some things in place that can catch you when you fall, to have some savings in your bank account before you quit the job to start your business. To have some friends on standby for support when you are attempting things that have never been done in your family, in your generation, or by you.

It’s important to have that emotional, physical, spiritual support, some safeguards to make sure that you are okay. Safeguards come in the form of a mentor, a therapist, a friend… People who fall and then get back up often have those safeguards in place.

Another thing I noticed about people who are successful at getting back up after a fall is that when something doesn’t work out for them, they pivot. They edit the plan. We all have plans, and we want things to go exactly how we intended, how we envisioned, but then there’s life. There are other people involved. There’s timing involved. There are so many factors that are beyond our control. It is important to be flexible, able, and willing to pivot when we need to. We must learn to edit those plans.

My daughter attempted to walk multiple times. I saw the plan in motion. I saw the desire in motion, the will in motion. But it didn’t happen the first time. She had to make some adjustments. She didn’t cry the night she learned to walk, but she did cry on the first couple of attempts. Falling startled her. Eventually, she learned not to go too fast or too far. She took some time to build herself up to do this thing.

I remember when I wanted to start another business. I’ve been an entrepreneur for more than 23 years. I’ve had multiple businesses before I landed in the career that I’m in right now. One of which was Makeup by Nakeia. Shout out to all of the brides, the news anchors, and the musical artists who allowed me to contribute to beautifying them. But before I had any of those clients, I had none. I thought that doing my friends, my sister-in-laws, and my cousins’ faces was enough to get the word out and get some clients. And when that didn’t work, you know what I had to do? I had to pivot. I decided to become a freelance artist for M.A.C., and then I became an employee, a certified M.A.C. artist, and I built up a clientele of people who trusted me with their special days.

Their friends started to trust me with their special days. Their cousins, best friends, and bridesmaids grew to trust me. Before long, I had a roster of clients to service as a makeup artist. I had to pivot when my first time launching my business didn’t go as planned.

It was a form of falling, failing, and being delayed, but I was prepared to pivot. I didn’t do it exactly how I thought, but Makeup by Nakeia was a success for 10 years. I loved that work, and I was only able to do it because I chose to pivot.

People who fall and get back up are careful not to internalize other people’s fears. They don’t internalize the fears of those who saw them falling—those who saw them stumble. They don’t internalize the fears, the judgments, the projections, none of that. They are steady, they are determined, and they are goal-oriented. They are deliberate. They understand that things may not go exactly as they planned, that there may be setbacks and falls. But they don’t internalize how that makes other people feel.

I was uncomfortable watching an eight and a half month old child try to walk, but I made sure that I didn’t jump and panic and show fear because I didn’t want to instill that in her. I didn’t want to model that for her. In fact, her fearlessness inspired me to move with less fear.

We don’t internalize fear, limits, and projections of others, and that is why we’re able to get back up. Notice the switch from they who get back up to us. Because this is something that is also possible for you.

The last thing I wanna point out is that people who get back up don’t allow themselves to be defined by the fall. That’s a big one. They don’t allow themselves to be defined by the fall, the failed plan, the delay, the embarrassment, the closing down of the first business, the function where no one showed up, the event that wasn’t as big and bright enough to post on Instagram, the marriage that didn’t go the way they thought it would go, the relationship that ended prematurely… They don’t allow those things to define who they are as individuals. Don’t let it define you.

Just because you fail doesn’t mean you are a failure—especially when you understand that failing can be a part of the process of learning and growing in wisdom.

I would love to have a testimony where all I did was successfully complete every task, every goal, every mission, but that’s not my testimony. My testimony is built on failure. My testimony has embarrassment attached to it. There were things that were delayed in my story of success. It took me years to place my first song as a songwriter. It took me failing as a makeup artist and not having a roster of clients before I was able to do so. It took time to cultivate the life that I have now. And I share the stories along the way because I want you to understand that getting back up after a failure is progress.

I want you to understand that your progress is still progress even when you fall into it.

So what can we learn from the people who get back up?

We can learn to see falling, failing, delays and setbacks as part of the process.

We can learn to build in and cultivate safeguards along the way.

We can understand that when something doesn’t work out, it’s time to pivot and edit the plan.

We learn not to internalize the fears and projections of others.

We can learn not to allow ourselves to be defined by failure.

There is one other thing that people who fall but get back up do. They prioritize their well-being. Anything you need to support yourself on the journey is part of your well-being. Anything you need to do to safeguard your heart, manage your energy, and regulate your emotions is part of your well-being.

There was something else that my daughter did that I found so amazing. She would stop and take a sip of water from her cup. She made sure that she stayed hydrated on her mission to walk at eight and a half months old. And we laughed at her drink breaks, but there was a lesson in that. That was a form of self-care. She was wise enough to practice self-care and support her efforts.

Whenever I fell and stayed down too long, it was because I did not take care of myself. I didn’t stay hydrated. I didn’t set boundaries. I didn’t prioritize my morning routine. I didn’t make sure that I journaled and prayed, and meditated. I didn’t edit my plans. I didn’t make sure that I was guarding my heart from the opinions of other people and protecting my purpose from the projection of others and not internalizing their fear, doubt, and their limiting belief.

All of the things that we just pointed out, all of the things that we just discussed, are a part of your well-being. So when you prioritize these things, you are also prioritizing your well-being.

So I will leave you with this: Trying anything meaningful in life comes with risks. It’s going to require you to risk some things to become the person that you are meant to be.

We will fail. We will fall. We will get things wrong before it all goes right. But don’t be defined by the fall. Don’t be defined by the failures. Don’t allow yourself to fall and never try again. How you get back up is the story that we’re all interested in. It’s the one we want you to tell us over brunch during your speaking engagement and your books and your podcast, and your testimony.

We want to hear how you got back up because you are empowered to do so. You are empowered with the skill, the talent, the resilience, the gifts, and the heart to become the person that you are meant to be. Yes, you will fall, and yes, you will get back up.

Until next time, beloved, I hope this helps.

Takeaways

People fall. Pay attention to the ones who get back up.

Getting back up after a fall shows you who you really are.

People who succeed see failures as part of the process.

Building safeguards is crucial during the journey.

Flexibility and the ability to pivot are essential.

Avoid internalizing the fears of others.

You are not defined by failures.

Progress is still progress, even with setbacks.

Prioritizing well-being is key to resilience.

Chapters

00:00 The Journey of Motherhood and Storytelling

04:33 Lessons from a Child’s Determination

12:18 The Process of Getting Back Up

15:31 Prioritizing Wellbeing on the Journey

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