Breaking Free From Overwhelm

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Every week, I share stories, lessons, encouragement, and practical healing and growth practices from my life and work with others.

Hey Beloved, I'm Nakeia

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“I give. I give. I give—and I get nothing in return.”

So recently, I found myself using the word “overwhelm” a lot, a whole lot.

A friend asked me how I was doing, and among other things, I said I was overwhelmed. She checked back in with me a few days later and asked, What’s overwhelming you? What’s going on? And she gave me some encouraging words, and I received them, and I moved on.

A little while later, I was talking to someone and found myself using the word overwhelmed to describe myself again. She said, How are you doing? What’s going on? What are you into? And I said, all the things that were going on and the things that I’m into. So that was the second time I used the word.

Someone told me I used the word “overwhelm” to describe how she may be feeling. And she asked, “When you say overwhelmed, I’m always like, am I overwhelmed? What do I look like? Like, what am I doing? Why is she saying this?

So I said, “Okay, Nakeia, it’s time to sit with the word overwhelm. Sit with what you’re feeling, what you are seeing in other people, and uncover a way forward because we can’t overwhelm our way through the rest of the year.” We can’t live our lives in overwhelm.

What It Means To Feel Overwhelmed

By definition, overwhelm means being buried or drowned beneath a huge mass. It is a feeling of complete defeat. And you can overwhelm someone or something by giving too much of yourself, or you can inundate them with things, words, or feelings.

So when I say I am overwhelmed, usually I mean I have a lot going on. I have a lot going on. I don’t typically feel defeated, but I do often feel like I am doing too much. I am giving too much, or I am inundated with too much.

My friend and I laugh about this now because when I was in college, I would often say this one phrase. I would say: I give, I give, I give, and I get nothing in return. Mind you, this was college. So we’re talking 19, 20 years old. I don’t know what I was giving and who I was giving it to. We laugh because we’re trying to figure out who I was talking about. But even back then, I must have felt overwhelmed by something or someone.

Now, when clients say they are overwhelmed, they often mean they are unable to manage, cope, or face their current circumstances. They feel burdened. They feel overpowered. They feel flooded with emotions, responsibilities, and tasks. So when they describe themselves as overwhelmed, that is typically what they mean.

The Impact Of Overwhelm On Our Lives

Overwhelm generally leads to things like stress, anxiety, burnout, and emotional exhaustion. Overwhelm also activates fight or flight. So on top of you feeling a way, your body is responding in a way that you often have issues managing, regulating, or controlling. An example of this would be you are overwhelmed, and the kids are kid’ing. They are doing what kids typically do, asking you for something, sharing something with you, and you say things like, “Give me a minute, just give me a minute.” That is your body responding, your nervous system responding to overwhelm.

You may be moody, anxious, short-tempered, feeling the blues, wanting to sleep your day away—all of these are responses to overwhelm.

After hearing myself say I was feeling overwhelmed multiple times, and before I got to the point where I was snapping at the people I loved, and wanting to retreat from my life, I decided to devise a way to heal my current overwhelm. I want to share those things with you.

Breaking Free

I took a time out. I recently took an entire week off from work. I didn’t see clients. I didn’t write anything. I didn’t share anything with anyone. I just took some time out to do some of the things I love. I went to get a manicure and a pedicure. I got a facial. I just did some of the things I wanted to do instead of doing all of the things that were overwhelming me. Sometimes you just need a timeout. Those of you who have listened to the episode on taking a timeout from your life, go and review that. For those of you who have not listened, go listen to that.

You don’t need to take a huge timeout from your life. Sometimes you just need to take a couple of minutes or a couple of days. So take a timeout.

Life edit or audit. Something I do frequently. I used to do it weekly because that’s how much I had on my plate. But now, I’ve been editing my life quarterly, and it felt like I needed to do it sooner. So I did an audit.

What can go?

Who can go?

What can I take off my plate?

What do I need to add to my life?

What do I need to support my life?

I did a quick audit. I looked at every important area of my life. That would be family, that would be business, that would be faith, and that would be me personally. I put the word me in one of my boxes, and I uncover all of the things that encompass me. And I decided what I needed to edit.

I created a self-care plan. If you struggle with self-care, you are likely not engaging in actual self-care. You are doing things, but they aren’t things that support your well-being. So I had to check in with what I was doing to care for myself. At night, I was watching television as a form of self-care. I watched my favorite shows, typically Law and Order or Murder, She Wrote. That is what I enjoy, but unfortunately, that wasn’t feeding me. So instead of spending 30 minutes to an hour watching a show I like, I started reading at night. Reading became part of my self-care plan. So you may need to adjust your self-care plan if you are feeling overwhelmed.

I asked for help. And help looks different for everyone. One of the ways I asked for help is I asked my family to give me a schedule so I can include it in my personal schedule.

One thing that overwhelms me is not having a regimen or a routine. I need a routine. I need to know what I’m doing, where I’m doing it, and who I’m doing it with every minute of my day. I do my Daily Setup, daily. That’s my proprietary morning routine. I assign a task or something I need to do, or something I want to do, every hour of my day. Every hour is accounted for. My family was throwing things at me, which was throwing my routine off. So as a form of help, I asked them to share what they had going on over the next couple of weeks. I needed to know when the practices were. I needed to know when the meetings were. I needed to know what was going on so that I could include it in my own personal routine.

I also asked for help at the doctor’s office. I had a doctor visit and I asked for some assistance on some things. I asked my friends for help with accountability. I asked for help.

Final Thoughts

Remember, overwhelm is a feeling of being buried or drowning underneath something big, too big for you to manage, too big for you to regulate. It is a feeling of defeat. It is a feeling of giving or doing too much, or being inundated in some way, shape, or form.

That feeling of being drowned or buried leads to stress, anxiety, burnout, emotional exhaustion, and it activates fight or flight. So now your body is all out of whack. Doing these four things will help heal you, just like they help heal me.

I don’t describe myself as feeling overwhelmed anymore because I took a timeout, I edited my life, I created a new self-care plan, and I asked for help.

If you are feeling overwhelmed right now, doing these four things will help. You deserve to live your life stress-free, burnout free, and free of emotional exhaustion. You don’t deserve to be overwhelmed.

Until next time, beloved, I hope this helps.