The Side Effects Of Growth

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Every week, I share stories, lessons, encouragement, and practical healing and growth practices from my life and work with others.

Hey Beloved, I'm Nakeia

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“Know the difference between growing pains and just pain.”

There are so many things we don’t talk about enough, and the side effects of growth is one of those things. But today, we are going to talk about it.

The complexities of personal growth can make experiencing it painful—and when we feel pain or discomfort, we tend to think something is wrong. Growth often comes with challenges and losses. There are seasons of isolation and questioning. This episode is stacked with insights on how to navigate the seasons. We’ll chat about the importance of reframing your understanding of growth, recognizing the difference between growing pains and just pain, and embracing the necessary changes that come with becoming the person you are meant to be.

If this is your growth season or if you are wondering if you are growing at all, tap in!

Is It Time For You To Grow?

This has been another year of growth for me. Some may hear that and think, “Nakeia, that is just wonderful,” but those who have experienced a significant amount of personal, spiritual, and even professional growth understand that real growth comes at a cost.

Years ago, after a significant season of growth, I wrote a list I called the side effects of growth. And I shared that online and it went viral because those who read it understood. The list included things like loss of friends, distance within families, facing your fear, personal accountability, and even loss of self.

When you initially think of growth, you may think of expansion, increase, acquiring more, doing more, and being bigger—All of the things you think of when you hear the word growth. But that is the outcome or result of growth, and growth itself is a process: a series of required actions and steps.

The process or what is required to grow can be painful, exhausting, and even scary. Growth can require isolation, setting boundaries, and serious personal accountability. People struggle through their season of growth because we don’t talk enough about the polarity of it. Growth is both hard, and healing. It requires strength and softness. You may experience grief and peace.

If this was your year of growth, you probably felt the grief and peace of losing people who made you question your worth. If this is your growth year, you probably felt the grief and peace of walking away from opportunities that no longer aligned. If this was your year of growth, you probably felt the grief and peace of being in isolation long enough to remember who you are. If this was your growth year, you probably felt the grief and peace of saying no to people and things that dysregulated your nervous system. If this was your growth year, you probably felt the grief and peace of releasing outside validation. If this was your year of growth, you probably felt the grief and peace of outgrowing who you used to be.

Growth will make you lose some things and people. Growth will make you question who you are. It’ll make you question your ability. It’ll make you question your standing in your relationships. It’ll make you question who you are on the job. It’ll make you question everything you thought you knew about yourself because growth is a process that also requires questioning.

Growth Can Be Confusing

Sometimes we confuse seasons of questioning with seasons of failing because you don’t realize you are exploring new truths that are aligned with who you are growing into. It seems like you are confused, just don’t know, and are uncertain. But the truth is, you are trying to gauge where you fit in this new season of growth, how you fit into your relationships. Maybe you don’t. How you fit into the roles you play in the lives of those you love. Maybe it’s time to take up a new role. How people fit into your life. Maybe they don’t.

So with growth comes a lot of loss.

How do we handle these side effects of growth?

How do we handle going from who we were to who we need to be in this season?

How do we handle the pain of loss?

How do we handle the struggle of uncertainty? I have some answers. I have some answers, Beloved.

This Is How You Handle The Side Effects Of Growth

Reframe what it means to grow.

It’s not just about the outcome, it’s about the process. It’s not just about getting bigger and more and expanding, it’s about what it requires to do those things. So we must familiarize ourselves with the growth process and reframe anything that would make us only see it as something negative.

Remember the polarity. It is both exhausting and exhilarating. It is exciting, and you might feel anxious. There is some struggle that will require you to be strong and tough, but also your softness is needed.

During your seasons of growth, empathy, compassion, and self-forgiveness are needed. So we may need to reframe how we see growth.

Know the difference between growing pains and just pain.

Some things we think are part of the process of growth when they are struggling just to be struggling. And we don’t want to do that in this season of our lives. We can’t get to expansion and increase by just going through. We have to grow through.

I’ve been talking to my son about growing pains because he is experiencing a major growth spurt, major. His growth spurt was actually so painful, he had to go into physical therapy. It was that bad. His physical therapist shared that this is a part of growing into the man that he is becoming. It’s not just pain that should make him fearful, or pain that would make him want to go back to being the little boy that he once was. Grow into it, embrace it, and do some of the exercises and practices that are necessary to make it easier. And so now, instead of him resisting the pain, instead of him just crying about the pain, he actually gets up and he works out every morning. After school, he does physical therapy on his own. He comes to me when it gets to be too much, and he asks for some pain medicine, for a little bit of relief.

You have to get into the practices that will make it easier. The meditation, the prayer, setting boundaries, and going into isolation long enough for you to continue growing into your own truth… You may have to silence the opinions of others as part of your process of navigating the pain of growth. You may have to be honest about who you are and what you want because that is necessary to truly expand. You have to know the difference between growing pains and just pain. And if it’s just pain, beloved, let it go. I’ve shared how we determine when it’s time to let go in a previous episode. If it’s causing you pain just for the sake of pain, it needs to get out of your life.

Embrace all of the side effects.

There is resilience that comes from growing. For example, the struggle of releasing people who are no longer aligned builds relationship resilience. When you loved someone and felt like they contributed to your life and to who you are, but they no longer align because they are not growing with you, that can be hard to accept… Lean into that struggle. Let it help you grow.

You Will Grow When You Embrace The Change That Comes With It.

There are necessary changes. There are necessary adjustments. There is a necessary loss that comes from growing. If this is your season of growth, I invite you to reframe what it means to grow. (Who are you growing into? What are you excited about? What are the changes that are necessary that you will choose to embrace?) Know the difference between growing pains and just pain, and lean into the process.

When I wrote that list years ago, there was a lot of loss. Loss of some relationships with my family, loss of friendships… At the time, I was closing one of my businesses; it was a lot of loss, but I understood it was necessary.

I’m still growing and grieving. I’m experiencing peace in the midst of a lot of loss, but I embrace it because I am determined to be the person that I am called to be. I’m determined to walk in purpose. I understand the assignment. And Beloved, it’s time for you to do the same. Embrace the growth. I don’t want you to be in the same place this time next year. If you like it, if it’s contributing to your life, if it’s meaningful, then great. But if you know that there is more… If you understand that the calling on your life requires you to expand into someone that you never even dreamed you could be, it’s time to grow.

And you can handle it knowing that there are side effects, a cost that you are willing and able to pay.

So beloved, until next time, I hope this helps.